CHM: The coloring incident

I remember this time in kindergarten.

How class was run was he had 5 stations we would cycle though everyday, each with a different activity, so the class was separated into 5 groups. I felt that mine was the most practical since we ended with the last station which is were you sat with the teacher and she would either critique work or some sort of assisted assignment.

I remember it was the end of the day and we were going over an assignment were we had to color some worksheet, some kind of extremely simple paint by numbers deal. The teacher would hold up the work and show the rest of the group one of the students work and ask, "how does this look" and the group would reply. I remember never participating in the section because of the first time we did it. It was with the same color by numbers thing and mine was help up and left to the honest eyes of 4 to 5 year olds. Well, according to them and my teacher it had to many "white spots" meaning I didn't color it right and everyone of my peers would said "eeeeeeww" "it's ugly" etc. Me.. well.. I was mortified, I remember wanting to cry. I was the kid that liked to do everything right. I paid attention and tried to do everything with my best effort and tried to please the teacher. After this traumatic event I never wanted to have anything I ever did put on display. Still to this day I am constantly looking for some kind of approval. I feel I need someone to say it is ok for me to do something. How sad haha. I never told anyone this experience, but looking back at it... it's sad.. haha. :'( I also think this is the reason why when I go anywhere I feel as if everyone is staring at me and judging me. I hate going out a lone because I can almost hear their thoughts.. when in fact it is just me judging myself.

But, I'm getting better at doing things to my own drum :D.